Monday, November 11, 2013

Relationships

Relationships. I think a lot of people have different definitions of this word, but they, for the most part, seem to gravitate towards a similar one. You meet someone, you hit it off, and you start dating. You don't do things with other people that would constitute as cheating, and you fall in love over a certain period of time. There seems to be a general consensus about how long people wait to say "I love you", and if things are moving too fast.
I think this is all bullshit. A relationship is just a communication between two people. Hell, you can have relationships with multiple people. I have a dynamic relationship with my band members. We function as a unit, and that communication changes if we are all together or one on one. A relationship is not an entity you can heal or kill, it's just how you are currently communicating with someone.
My mother asked me earlier this year if I ever planned on getting married. My response: I am never going to get married, until I get married. I have applied this philosophy to dating as well. I have been single for almost two years now, and I cannot express to you, dear reader, how eye opening it has been to NOT actively pursue a "relationship" with someone.
It seems like some people just look for a relationship with someone, anyone, and just try until it fails. That works for some people. That does not work for me anymore. It begat a cycle of ruin in me, and I haven't looked back since I discarded it. Personally, I decided that I have to get to know a person some before any kind of romantic interest can start. We have to be able to be friends. I cannot be with someone who just becomes "the Girlfriend", nor will I stand for someone referring to me as "the Boyfriend". It sinks in over time, and I feel like you hold this image of them in your mind, and stop watching them grow as a person. People drift apart, and then all of a sudden, they are in a relationship without communication. It's happened to me, and I see it happen all around me.
Now, this tactic of testing waters with friendship does tend to put people in the friendzone a lot, but I like having friends, so if it turns out we make great friends and the opportunity for more passes by, then so be it. It's a product of my system, and that's ok. Did I miss out on something? Maybe. But maybe I start dating someone, and miss out on an even greater opportunity because I am distracted. It doesn't matter. That's just worrying for no reason, and John don't play that.
I tend to trust my gut, and some of the worst times of my life have been when I didn't listen to my intuition. So here I sit, a romantic (despite the evidence), trusting my instincts for when the time and person are right. I forced myself to sift thru my subconscious these years and face things I had been keeping locked up. It's been a minefield of glorious revelations and oppressive depressions. It's hardened me in ways I needed and softened me in others. I am finally comfortable in my own skin. Do I wait for someone to come along and complete me? No. I work towards completing myself, and it's a bloody battle. But I know there's someone out there that will light me in a perfect way, so that my final product shines just that much better.
Do I plan on dating again? No, not until I'm dating again.

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